my lost self

I lie wide eyed, dismayed

that sleep again evades my eager desire

to fall in to that deep dark place

my familiar friend

but sleep has turned her back on me

and leaves me helpless

exposed to time and memory

while bits of me float off

into the far wherever

my sturdy self, exposed

as ethereal

as a dandelion clock

waiting for the first breath

or breeze

to send a thousand parts of her

flying off, spinning reckless

into dandelion future

the leaving of my bits

spin no happy future

they are merely the destruction

of my dreams

how can I have lived this long

most times delightful life

so wrapped in the comfort

of my own ignorance

until the day

I knew

Copyright (c) 2022 by Eryll Oellermann

today is tuesday

 

today is tuesday

friday I turn seventy five

properly grown up?

not really, still a mixed up mess

of questions without answers

dreams without reality

sometimes content and oft bereft

happiness and tears

like hot and cold taps

too much of one sometimes

and yet again not enough

but pain brings words

so write my friend

write while your brain churns

with thoughts and emotions

which would fit better

in an anxt filled teen

tomorrow is another day

and the words may be once more absent

lost in the calmness

of age and acceptance

eryll oellermann

12^th september 2023

never say

 

i suppose I should have known

she could never say “i love you”

it was as if the words welled up in her throat

and choked her

i have no doubt that she did love me

but speaking the words

out loud

were, for her

most times impossible

my heart ached in the silence of her declarations

in time I asked

why?

in her world I love you was saved

and sacred

for special occassions only

I learned to hold my words close inside me

seldom allowing them to escape

except occassionally

eryll oellermann

15^th september 2023