my anchor

10.11.1941 - 06.10.2002

we walked together, you and i
through youth and life
through birth and growth
and celebration, times of weeping
you by my side in illness
together in the times of loss
sunrise sunset
the sweeping heat of summer days
we listened to the gurgling song
of rushing rain
we saw the dew touched spider webs
and felt the sand
cold beneath our bare feet
we watched the first sweet rays of light
breast the far horizon
in unrelenting expectation
another day in paradise
we felt the chill winds unkind cut
while winter sun
beat sweet upon our shoulders
we knew the dust
of winters dry and rainless
we shared time and all her seasons
through all the years we lived and loved
sharing the comfort of touch
the glory of together
we watched our children grow
and spread their wings
into the flight of adulthood
you, my constant companion
my champion, my anchor
always my one true love

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann 

anniversaries

1st October 1966

another pretty day
a few strung out, whispy clouds
painted pink by the rising sun
which lifts to meet a crescent moon
the rooks are up and gathering
noisy in the old oak tree across the way
her leaves still green
the autumn rusting yet to come
i think you would have enjoyed this summer
scotland has outdone herself
i miss you every day
in the beauty i know you would have wondered at
in the small jobs you would have taken pleasure in
i look at the garden and i imagine ...
retaining walls and brick paving
built by your beloved hands
oh, i have to some extent tamed the verdant green
with much sweat and cursing
remembering always the luxuries of home
where lawns were mowed and clipped
by the hardy effort of others!
i am grown used to being alone and yet
still i miss you
i miss you in the small things and the great
in the birth and growing of our grandchildren
in the maturing and accomplishments
of our beloved children
i miss your smile, your touch
i miss being us

i love you Manfred Oellermann, forever beloved husband.

elucidate

educate, elucidate, eradicate
the carnival of life unravels
rushing directionless towards death
veering off on tangled paths
overgrown with the despair of humanity
cruelty and kindness submerged
in a churning sea of indifference
we recall a series of self fabrications
and call this our life, our story
seeking in vain to find the one truth
which will unlock the gates to nirvana
until with maturity comes the understanding
that there is nothing new to be discovered
but the ache of aging joints
and the spaces where once there were words


Copyright © 2004-2013 by Eryll Oellermann

alone

i find again my friend
the dark
the warm welcome
of despair
sinking smooth as oil
into the abyss
i am alone
in that familiar place
all delight lost
and hope extinguished
only my own heavy step
breaks the silence


Copyright © 2004-2013 by Eryll Oellermann

future declined

future declined

you don't want a friendship
you won't be my wife
your life is a novel
you're waiting to write
you live in a tower
with your thoughts and your cat
imagining life
an extension of that
a writer, a singer
a romance in your mind
time passes you by
as a future declined

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

long island invasion

big trees and bagels
wild turkey, peach pie
beer shops and smoke shops
and pizza to die
surrounded by water
drowning in malls
coffee and cheesecake
new york never palls
jack daniels at prices
a girl can afford
they do like my accent
they love every word
a huge hero sandwich
a bottle of coke
let's sit by the sea
and i'll have me a smoke
they drive on the wrong side
but what can you say
the only thing left is
to hold thumbs and pray
the shops never close
you may shop when you will
i have no insurance
so i dare not fall ill
bring me your poor
they said in the past
i guess that was careless
it sure didn't last
i need to be rich
or famous at least
or perhaps play a sport
like a rampaging beast
i can fly right on in
but i better not stay
or i'm unwanted, illegal
and they'll lock me away
so while i enjoy
all new york has to give
i have to go back to
the place where i live


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

run turkey run

hot damn! big thang
run turkey run
long neck shuttling jerky
like a puppet on a string
legs pumping
anxiety obvious in every pace
what's the hurry
what's up big bird
is there a fire coming
a wolf prowling
are you running to encourage
something to follow
follow you and your post haste exit
follow you into the forest
and away
away from whatever you need
not found


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the undergrowth

the undergrowth is growing
at a fair old rate of knots
where once there was a little
there now is lots and lots

i wonder of the creatures
who scurry here and there
hidden from the prey birds
by this lush green underwear


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

you knew me

why do i always wish for a happy ending
i should remember the obvious
life is not a bowl of cherries
and if it was ...well hell
the fruit at the bottom of said bowl
is always going to be
past it's prime
people desire us to be their dream
to fulfil their need
i am a chameleon born
to give people what they need is my delight
i love to love
that makes me attractive
to those who are hungry for love
i am also impulsive impetuous impatient
where angels fear to tread
is my home territory
quick to love but as unstable as a rope bridge
i swing between the poles of affection and dismay
meaning well as i tread the hell path
and so i earn the bitter hatred
the vitriolic attack of the past
where once cherished i am now despised
i own my guilt, i own my weakness
i understand the loss of hope and dreams
i ache with regret for the pain i caused
the dream left shattered
i have learned that to promise is an insanity
best avoided
but you would have me now a monster
dancing with deliberation on shattered hearts
believe what you will for i had no hidden agenda
no ill intent no mask of innocence
i had only who i am and who i have always been
who i remain and who i will always be
and i say to the past "you knew me"

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

am i

am i a poet
or do i just write
words in an order
which bring me delight

in that which i write
is deep meaning found
do my words hide dark secrets
does meaning abound

or perhaps i just write
of the things which i see
of feeling, emotions
a mind floating free

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

a green uprising

humanity, probably an impermanent blot
on planet earth
we have no capacity to sprout and grow
to recover with the speed of the green
send fire to ravage and ruin
the green will curl up and lie dormant
until the first rain brings renewal
an exploding life force feeding on the earth
transforming sunshine into life
roots extending beneath
budding, flowering, seed bursting above
laying down new life without encouragement
a green army marching
                                                      

humanity may strive against the green
hacking, cutting, mowing
shoulder to the plough, imposing our dream
a never ending artistic carving
until weariness brings us to our knees
we turn our backs and allow neglect
the green which was waiting wakes and stretches
without malice it reclaims it's own

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

in limbo

where shall i move to
where shall i go
should i choose sunshine
or somewhere with snow

an apartment up high
with no garden to tend
or maybe a front door
with no steps to ascend

should i go for the country
surrounded by green
or maybe a place
where the sea can be seen

do i prefer
the buzz of a city
or maybe a village
a little less gritty

i could live in a house
or a big caravan
i might have a land lady
or perhaps a land man

i love where i am
love the view from my window
without a decision
i am living in limbo

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

waiting and the taste of honey

waiting

 

i'm waiting for the coal man
it's time for him to come
i've places i must go to
and things which must be done


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann



the taste of honey

i love the taste of honey
as it slides against my tongue
i love it's sweet temptation
the source from which it sprung
each bee which gathers pollen
and brings it to my hive
imbues the honey with the taste
i crave to feel alive
the texture and the colour
the flower from which it came
once you've tasted honey
you will never be the same


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann 

dark is the day

dark is the day
grown weary and wet
the dreary of winter
no summer as yet

the green deepens greener
the weeds grow in spurts
no sign of the sun
and the lack of it hurts

leave the doors closed
keep the coal fire hot burning
switch on the lights
and be done with the yearning

the sun still exists
way beyond the great grey
one day it will shine
or so people still say


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the unexpected

life is a still ocean
with a huge fucking whirlpool
in the last place you would expect to find one
so there you are
floating along in the sunshine
gentle breeze at your back
when
wham
and there you go
an assault of the unexpected
kicking arse
dragging you down
to dark and dangerous places
where breathing is a life threatening option

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

waiting for picasso

there we were
waiting in the wet
for a glimpse
of artistic genius
available free
on a sunday afternoon
after three
so we and
every other tourist
in barcelona
were motionless
in a crocodile like queue
which wound it's way
back beyond sight
perhaps i am lacking
divine insight
but i would rather die
dry and unenlightened
than spend so many
of my remaining hours
in a line of dancing umbrellas
waiting for picasso


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

"Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth” - Pablo Picasso

for the meantime

i live in a valley
halfway between two places
few folks have ever heard of
unless of course they're scottish
or more likely, ayrshire bred
six miles from
girvan, a small harbour town
on the west coast
just over the water lies ailsa craig
where they once mined the granite
for curling stones
travel north six miles
via roads which dip and climb
on the way to ayr
and pass through maybole
where nothing in particular happens
although it once was, i believe
quite a hub of industrial activity
so there is dailly
where for the meantime i live
built in a valley
a river winds through it
upon a time coal miners lived here
and worked the mines
until they closed
and left dailly
still
six miles from maybole
six miles from girvan

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the dark tower

the dark tower of thoth
stands rooted in rock
where dark seas will argue
no stranger dares knock

there, arrogance reigns
in the mind of a god
who oversees death
with an ankh and a rod

the left eye of Ra
pale cresent moon lighting
the white sacred ibis
with serpents found fighting

tales of the past
surrounded in mystery
when gods roamed the earth
now fabled in history


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

tormented

tormented, tormentor
torment today
blue skies and lost sheep
like life in a way
warmer not colder
a pleasant surprise
meteor showers
like a fabric of lies


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

another strolling cow

the question must be asked
will i need a ventilator
will the smoking kill my lungs
maybe sooner maybe later

if you're born then you must die
does it really matter how
i still find life attractive
so i'd rather not go now

another day of sunshine
another strolling cow
another tree for kids to climb
another field to plough

remind me to remember
when my mind begins to slow
the adventure of my journey
the trials which helped me grow


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

waiting for the wary

i have no knowledge of wary
i am all or nothing
decision is all
dive into the deep
or walk away and begin again
i have come to understand
my way is not normal
in the world of the other
the wolf treads a strange path
the other search the heart and mind
to find no understanding
of the wildness which is me
the other watch and wonder
at my thought process or lack thereof
through my action or inaction
the other learns mistrust
i have no answer
i am who i was born to be
now love holds me prisoner 
the other is my heart's home
no more able to walk away
i will watch the wariness and wait


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the first time

say goodbye the first time
then try it again and again
what is it about saying goodbye
so damn throat catching
one strange day we'll say it
and it will be real
and the last time
i will learn to forget
whatever it is about you
which calls to me
then the long loneliness will start
the forgetting time
the getting over this time
until one day
i will wake up alone
with a new someone on my mind


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the debt

the grey is fast descending
the moon is at it's full
the wolf is torn with sadness
alone upon the hill

the sound of silence echoes
along the river way
the wolf once more remembers
the debt which he must pay

for loving is a gifting
of heart and soul and time
real loving is a joining
of all that's yours and mine

a life alone is less than
true love is meant to be
for following the single path
is lonesome without thee

to forgive me or forget me
lies solely in your sway
so now the wolf must howl alone
or find another way

i wonder will you ever know
the truth, which is, i miss you so

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the camels i smoke

they said it might snow, no sign of it yet
the wind is all howly and the rain's kind of wet
the coal fire is burning all glowing and blue
i can hear the draught crying it's way through the flue
so i poured me a jack, then i made it a double
i'm bored and a single just ain't worth the trouble
this year on my birthday i'll be sixty five
i guess i'm quite lucky to be still alive
some people die young while others last longer
is it luck of the draw or, genetically stronger?
the ice in my glass of jack daniels is tinkling
the camels i smoke may have caused my skin wrinkling
to tell you the truth i don't honestly care
'bout the lines caused by age and my silvery hair
i am who i am and i do what i do
i live and i love and and i dream about you


Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

playing second fiddle

She said that she loved
Her cat more than me
I should have been hurt
But I wasn’t, you see
Cause no way am I jealous
Of something with fur
So I reckon the fault
Must lie solely with her
For while cats are quite sweet
In their kittenish way
When I want to love
It’s with humans I play
They argue and question
Their claws are quite short
If I answer them back
They reply with a snort
They have hands which will hold mine
Lips lovely to kiss
Plus they eat off a plate
And don’t lick from a dish
So she may love her cat
More than she loves me
But when I am gone
I am sure she’ll miss me

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

the separation

my body fed you and you grew
tumbling in the waters of my womb
until the urge of birth and breath
called you to the world and separation
i held you, soft as silk
an introduction of two, not strangers
you were my world, my open heart
struck helpless by your need
your arms outstretched and eyes
filled with the wisdom of before
promised a forever, an unbreakable bond
joined in creation, grown in the care years
i lacked a memory, an understanding
that you belonged not to me
you belonged to our planet and her people
my influence waning beneath the onslaught
of knowledge, peer pressure and hormonal flux
until one day i gazed upon a stranger
full grown in independance and conviction
and i endured the anxiety of separation
mindful and mournful in my loss
for you are whole without me
as it was always meant to be

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

judged

call me to your silence
bury me in tumbling thoughts
until the breath of my days
is crushed beneath the weight of 'if'
to struggle up and out
wild scratchings tearing at the sum of absence
indifferent in so many ways
judged lost in frontiers of unknown

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann

unlike scotland

in new York, unlike Scotland
they have winter sun
which shines and is warm
making winter quite fun
no deer in the deer run
not here, not today
i’m sure they are somewhere
but from here, they’re away
however I do see
a cat, black and white
out stalking a mouse
a magnificent sight
it’s time to go out
there are things we must do
some things I don’t mind
whilst some I eschew
we get in the car
then we drive to the sound
where the sun strikes the sea
and the seagulls abound
a huge hero sandwich
a bottle of coke
a walk in the wind
while I have a quick smoke
back in the car
i sink back in the seat
i open my book
now my life is complete
the sun’s shining on me
my eyes start to close
it’s not very long
and I’m deep in a doze
life is good ,life is sweet
it is always a pleasure
when I’m with my girl
she’s my ultimate treasure

Copyright © 2013 by Eryll Oellermann